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When trust issues make you weak

When I get stressed, I tend to feel it in my shoulders first. Then it creeps up my neck and explodes into a headache. I notice the tight achiness in my muscles the most as I’m trying to relax in the evenings. In all honesty, falling asleep hasn’t necessarily been going well as of late. With adrenaline pumping, I don’t necessarily feel stressed during the day, but my body gives me away. My shoulders tell me a very different story. This COVID-19 pandemic has me on edge. (read why here

There’s been a sweet, tender lesson I’ve been learning and have held close up to now. But I think I’m ready to share...because maybe you need it, too, for your own tight shoulders (or wherever your body feels stress, fear, anxiety). The lesson is all about weakness. (And for the record, that’s what my stress feels like right now.) Perhaps that sort of lesson doesn’t sound appealing. I mean, who wants to be weak, right? Our culture celebrates strength, prowess, muscle tone, working out, athletic superstars, not weakness. And yet, scripture tells us that God’s power is made perfect in our weakness: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

The Apostle Paul penned those words after admitting that he had a thorn in his flesh, a thorn that was given to him, a thorn that was a messenger of Satan. We aren’t told what the thorn was, but Paul does say that the thorn was given to him “to keep [him] from becoming conceited.” Paul had pleaded with the Lord three times to have it removed from him. But instead of removing the thorn, God says this: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

This scripture took on new life for me as I wrote a poem on Nov. 30, 2018 (see below). I wrote the poem about my biological father, about my learned fear, about my trust issues that his departure left for me. Those trust issues have touched everything in my life, even my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I ended the poem by expressing how I want (so much!) to trust my Savior completely, but as of yet, it’s not something I have to give. 

With that ending, my eyes were open: I am weak to trust. And then the realization expanded...to situations where I am weak to forgive. Where I am weak to believe. Where I am weak to take courage. Where I am weak to have faith.

As humans I think we’re quick to want strength for ourselves and others. If someone is struggling, we’re ready and willing to change the subject or to encourage a bootstraps mentality: “Suck it up, Buttercup.” 

But instead of being told to buck-up, to pretend I’m strong for the sake of everyone else’s comfort, God’s word tells me this: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

In so many ways, trust included, my offerings to my Lord and Savior are small. I give what I can. I’m getting better at simply saying, “Jesus, I am weak to trust. You know I want to give more, but this is all I have. Help me.”

I’ve asked many times for this weak-to-trust thorn to be removed. But instead of removing it, God helped me see and process my thorn differently. Instead of being ashamed at what I don’t have--in this case, large quantities of trust--I can take comfort and confidence in God’s sufficient grace. Like Paul, this thorn keeps me humble.

I might always have trust issues on this side of heaven. I might always appear weak to this world. But because His grace is sufficient for me--because His power is made perfect in weakness-- I don’t have to muster up a large dose of trust. And you don’t either, whether you are weak to trust or something else.

We don’t have to keep pulling up our bootstraps! Christ died to give believers freedom from the chains of trying to prove ourselves worthy. We can't. Only HE--Jesus--is worthy. 

In Christ, as He renews our minds and changes us from the inside out, may we, like Paul, say this:

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Are you new to the Gospel? In summary, sin has separated us from a holy, righteous God. We all fall short of His glory and need rescued. God has provided a way in His Son Jesus Christ. Jesus came to earth as both God and man, perfect and blameless, and died on the cross as a living sacrifice for the sins of each of us. His call to us is to repent and believe. Choose this day whom you will serve, pick up your cross and follow Christ on the road to eternal life and eternal hope. 


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